The Real Reason We Feel Stuck (and what to do about it)

Problems are painful.

Do any of the following situations resonate with you:

• “I feel stuck, I don’t seem to be progressing in my personal or professional life. I just don’t know what I am doing or where I am going.”
• “The environment at home and at work is toxic, it’s overwhelming and is affecting my personal well-being.”
• “My professional life is soaring but my relationships at home are failing and I have no idea how to fix it.”
• “My children are rebellious, social media is running their lives and ruining ours, I have no idea what to do!”
• “I am doing well financially but what is this all about? I lack fulfilment and meaning in my life.”

If you can relate to the above, you are not alone.

In over a decade of working with people from all walks of life, the one thing that has remained constant is their deep hunger for security, happiness, meaning and purpose. Yet, for some reason, life has not turned out the way they thought it would. But why? Why do we feel like our lives are flooded with problem after problem? Why is there a constant feeling of something lacking or missing?

Responsibility IS problem-solving

We live in a time where we are encouraged to remain in a state of victimhood, where people sympathise with us for being in challenging situations which we have created ourselves! We are told by peers and therapists alike that “it is not your fault” or “you do you and forget everyone else”. The focus is on instant gratification for self and things like discipline, diligence and obedience are lost to complaints about feelings being hurt or “human rights” being infringed upon. Is it any wonder then that 42% of Gen Z have been diagnosed with a mental health condition, particularly anxiety and depression (Unicef).

Why we are poor at problem-solving

How many of us were taught how to solve problems? Sure, we were set problem-solving mathematical equations at school but how many of us were taught to solve life problems? Take some time to reflect on the following:

1. Were you taught how to solve conflict in the school playground without your fists?
2. Were you taught how to deal with disappointments, or face pain and appreciate the lessons that pain teaches you rather than to run, hide or complain about it?
3. We were taught to speak, read and write – but how many of us were taught to listen – really listen?

How many of us were taught to genuinely take responsibility? Taking responsibility is the first step to solving ALL your problems. You cannot solve a problem to the degree you fob it off or ‘delegate’ it to another. But what is responsibility? Why is it so important and how can we start implementing it into our lives in order to become problem-solvers and not problem-creators and absconders?

What is responsibility?

Responsibility is the height of proactivity. It’s the antidote to reactivity. Responsibility can be broken up into two parts:

1. RESPONSE
2. ABILITY

In essence it is our ABILITY to RESPOND to problems in an effective, mature and wise way – both on an internal and external level.

When you are faced with a problem, what is your first intrinsic feeling and thought, are you overwhelmed? Do you see it as something that will break you? Or are you aware that this is the time for you to step up? To be better and do better.

How you see problems and your attitude to them dictates the extrinsic part which is the ‘response’ or application of that responsibility.

That means when a problem arises, that you are the first to step forward, immediately increasing your ability to deliver. It means there is a willingness to take risks—to get things wrong in order to get things right—to use your imagination to come up with the right solutions. You embrace problems and are thankful for the opportunity to build personal integrity! Follow-through is the single most important part of responsibility, to deliver on your commitments.

Taking responsibility is the birth place of defining our character and refining our competence. That is how you develop in your chosen career, business or family life. That is how you create a life of meaning and purpose. The life you desire.

If this article has impacted you and you want to develop your ability to problem-solve then let’s have a conversation.